Got a toothbrush?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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