im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
