im having a threesome with these popsicles
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
