had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
