im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
