Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
