Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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