I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
