oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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