I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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