just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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