And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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