Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize