the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
