Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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