His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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