Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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