The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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