Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
