In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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