her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
