Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
