honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
