woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
