I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
handjob tips. give me some.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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