none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
