I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
