strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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