I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
