Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
