Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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