You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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