I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
