I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
