If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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