I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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