I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
40s are totally the cure
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
