I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
