At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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