ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize