Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
