I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
