I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
