So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
