Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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