I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
