Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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