He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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