worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
