dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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