I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
