Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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