I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
