i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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