Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
