whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
