fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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