This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
