K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
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I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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