If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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