I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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