Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
