She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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