I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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