So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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