Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
