you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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