Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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