Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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