Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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